Friday, June 24, 2011

My Father's Passing

My father finally passed.
His death was predicted many times by Doctors over the last 30 years since he and my mother suffered simultaneous heart attacks one day in May 1980. My mother died that evening at the age of 54. From then on we would have to learn how to relate to dad individually, apart from mom who had always been the source, the connective tissue that bound us all together as a family. She smoothed the rough edges and in doing so unknowingly instilled the beginnings of denial. She dutifully fed the myth of our family. Maybe she needed it to be real too. But it wasn’t. I long ago grieved my last for what might have been.

For those who knew him in a different light, I envy you. From one whom he never had a good word to say about, again, I envy you who he cherished. You were indeed lucky.

I will search for peace. Our war is over. There was no winner. The battle scars remain.


6 comments:

  1. Oh Maureen, I am reading these words and hear the hurt behind them. I am so sorry you lost your mom all those years ago, and were left with this sort of emptiness. It sounds like a very sad situation.
    I read your posts and see your FB posts and I know you have a loving, kind spirit... I am sure you do have deep scars, but embrace the beauty that is YOU! Sending you a big, virtual hug...and good, peaceful wishes. xo

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  2. Hugs to you, my friend. Know you are in my thoughts and prayers. May I ask, is that you in the picture? What a lovely child

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  3. I am touched by your post and moved to tears. Dear friend, I wish I could give you a hug and take away the hurtful memories. I wish I could create new memories for you to make this time easier. How sad to lose your mother when she was so young. Your father missed the opportunity to learn to know you and speak the kind loving words all daughters yearn to hear their fathers say. It's so sad that he never knew the real you, the sweet loving child who grew into a wise gentle woman. His hurtful words do not define you, so it's ok to not remember them or never repeat them in your mind. Allow yourself to think and feel whatever you wish - there are no rules you need to follow right now. Allow all the loving messages and prayers being sent to you to wrap you up and bring you peace.

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  4. Hoping you eventually find peace. Wishing you a beautiful life ahead....there's just no other way to go through it if you can take control.

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  5. Maureen, I'm so sorry for your loss, which I know is so much more than just the passing of your Dad.

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  6. I'm so sorry and wish you strength in this difficult time. I think you are a wonderful person. Whether it is recognized or not, it is only important that you know it. Have faith in you self.
    {{{Hugs!}}}

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