Bleeding Aloud

"When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be." Lao Tzu

    

"We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the life that is waiting for us."  Joseph Campbell

                                                
                                                        I.
Words have been few and hard to come by recently, but tears have been abundant. I have discovered that letting go is not a simple matter of moving on...going forward...today becoming tomorrow...one foot in front of the other...or one day at a time. Before I knew it, a year had passed, then two, three....time faded into thin air. So many yesterdays are gone, yet my heart still bleeds, refusing to know what my mind now concedes.

Questions from decades past that have become interwoven into the fabric of my DNA, the stirrings of my soul, will remain unanswered. The ever haunting echo has finally broken through the encrustation that has surrounded my calcified heart for so long, and will be silent no more. No longer can I refuse to hear, to see what has always been true, what I have always known..somewhere.

But how does one let go of a lifetime when it is tied to one's soul? Like a balloon, it's string once tightly clasped in a trusted hand, now forgotten, let loose to drift away - unheeded - to become just a memory. Where does it go? Will the bleeding ever stop?

                                                        II.

Having spent so many years in a relationship,
Having invested so much of yourself and your treasure,
Having loved ones you don't want to cause pain to,
Wanting so badly to believe, to succeed, and to not be alone,
One comes to accept however little is given in return
as if
it were
enough.

Choosing to live in denial rather than truly see
One rises every morning to put on
the false belief that
everything
is
okay
Because to admit otherwise
would be
like
death.