A Visitor by Mary Oliver

My father, for example,
who was young once
and blue-eyed,
returns
on the darkest of nights
to the porch and knocks
wildly at the door,
and if I answer
I must be prepared
for his waxy face,
for his lower lip
swollen with bitterness.
And so, for a long time,
I did not answer,
but slept fitfully
between his hours of rapping.
But finally there came the night
when I rose out of my sheets
and stumbled down the hall.
The door fell open

and I knew I was saved
and could bear him,
pathetic and hollow,
with even the least of his dreams
frozen inside him,
and the meanness gone.
And I greeted him and asked him
into the house,
and lit the lamp,
and looked into his blank eyes
in which at last
I saw what a child must love,
I saw what love might have done
had we loved in time.

A Surprise Christmas Gift Named Sophie

I have a new little buddy in my life. Her name is Sophie. I had had cats in my life for 50 years when two years ago I had to put down my 19 year old Zoey, a petite fluffy gray cat with peach colored highlights in her fur. After my divorce she had become my shadow, my sole companion, my touchstone. Her passing was one more loss in a life seemingly filled with them. I decided I was done with pets - not only that, I was done with falling in love with anything or anyone ever again - except for my as yet to be born grandbabies - there would always be a place in my heart for them. I accepted my solitary life as my choice and where I would find my joy in my work. By it's very nature the work of an artist or writer requires isolation to a large degree. I have always been happy with that. I did occasionally miss the presence of a pet in my life, a greeter cat when I came home, but I had committed myself to no new loves. It was ok. Until last week when I was visiting my children and my daughter wanted me to accompany her to the pet store where she needed dog food. I said I would wait in the car, and she said I should come in and look at the kittens. I had done this before with her so I thought little of it. I went in and thought I would just wander around the kiosk of pet cubicles and leave. But as I rounded the corner of the framework of windows, I was stopped in my tracks by the sweetest little face. I was captivated! If she hadn't been gray and fluffy I would certainly have walked right on by. But she had me mesmerized. If I had collected my thoughts and walked away to think about it, I may have been strong enough to walk away. But as it was, my feet never moved. I couldn't take my eyes off her. I allowed my daughter to talk me into adopting the kitten. Generously she even offered to buy it for my Christmas present. So I left the pet store as a new pet owner! I was rather in shock for a few days. I couldn't believe I had done that. I did come to my senses and freaked out a couple of times - afraid that I had done the wrong thing. My heart felt locked up in a way it never had been before when welcoming the previous 6 kittens in my life. I didn't understand it. After several days of trying to understand my resistance to bonding with my new kitten, I realized how much I had closed my heart to love. I hadn't realized it went as far as encompassing 4 legged creatures too, as well as the 2 legged variety. I had to admit that maybe I needed the kitten even more than she needed me. That it probably wasn't the healthiest way to live to commit oneself to no new love in my life, at least the 4 legged kind. I had room for a little 1 lb. 6 oz. kitten in my life and heart. She would be my new shadow, my new greeter cat. Since bringing her back home, I am happy I have her in my life, and she's finding her place in my heart. I'm glad my daughter talked me into adopting her.